Holiday Series: Mother's Day (Felíz Día de la Madre)

Mother's Day in Peru is a big deal.  A BIG DEAL.  Not that it isn't a big holiday in the states, but you've got nothing on Peru. There is the "normal" stuff like fliers showcasing gifts you should get mom (my personal favorite was the meat store flier that suggested hotdogs were just what mom's been hoping to receive).  This mom wasn't so much on board with that idea, but fortunately no one else in the family thinks I would ever want that.  And I recycled the flier right away.  Beyond that, I present the following norms:

• Programs at children's schools for mother's day.  These programs are several hours long, involve costumes for the children, pins for the moms, drawings for baskets (mostly food) and other prizes, special food, crafts given to moms that appear to be made by teachers, not children (at least for the younger ages) and more. 
• Restaurants have specials for moms (a free meal, appetizer, dessert or drink) if you go out to eat on Mother's Day or maybe on Saturday, too.
• Lots of signs and specials at restaurants and other stores.
• The week after Mother's Day, all the kids are off for fall break.  (This isn't at every single school, but quite a lot of them, including Miss M's school and those of her friends.)

Moms walked in to a shower of rose petals.

The pin they gave to all moms.

Baskets to win (2-3 names drawn per class; I didn't win)

Theme was "The Best Mom in the World" and this is a class
with all of the highlighted countries represented in costume.

Miss M's class (Mexico)

 Here is video of Miss M with her big Spanish debut.  She did a great job of talking right into the microphone, even persevering through technical difficulties when the mic didn't work at first.  So proud.

Picture with my Mexican dancer and bug bitten little one

A photo booth opportunity (missing M who went back to school,
a block or two away from the program venue)

In my own family, Dave was kind enough to create a Mother's Day week, with something special in the days before and including Mother's Day.  He had time for me to go out by myself and do some errands, special food, a special breakfast on Mother's Day with handmade cards from the girls and chocolate, and I got to pick the restaurant for our weekly date lunch and our Family Friday.  And on Mother's Day, I got to do whatever I wanted, which ended up being a deep conditioning treatment for my hair.  I know, I live on the edge.  But it's the kind of thing I'm supposed to do regularly but almost never do, so it was actually a treat.

Homemade cards, flowers, a fruit and cheese plate,
chocolate and a special homemade breakfast.

My only concern is how I'm going to even come close to matching this for Father's Day (although I've learned that there isn't nearly the same reverence for fathers here, almost none of the hoopla that exists for Mother's Day.)  More to come in a future post when we've experienced a Father's Day here.

The Holiday Series

Halloween

Thanksgiving

Advent

Christmas

New Years

Easter

Mother's Day (that's this one)

Holiday Series: Easter

Easter here in Peru is very focused on the passion of Jesus (death and the steps leading up to it) and not quite so much on the Resurrection piece.  Candy, Easter eggs, and the Easter Bunny are almost unheard of (though a few eggs are creeping in here and there...it's a very new phenomenon).  I've mentioned in past posts (like the Christmas one) how there isn't the same separation of Church and State that we have in the USA.

In fact, the government sponsors several public religious displays.  The police station sponsored a mechanized show using Barbie style dolls in costume and sets for Christmas and this year was their first year to do the same for the passion.  And the city of Arequipa sponsored a live actor passion play on Maundy Thursday (the Thursday before Easter) that we happened upon.  Next year we'll know to look out for it.

I was impressed with the costuming, there were at least 50+ actors.

They didn't shy away from uncomfortable scenes.  This is the whipping
by Roman soldiers, two soldiers had whips (cotton rope) and they did the whole 40 lashes.

The crucifixion.  This was the end of the passion play.

This is the mechanized passion play at the police station.
They had 15 stations, I think.  2014 was the inaugural year.

They had amazing detail for Barbie type dolls.
Jesus carried the cross, ascended, Roman soldiers pounded nails, and more.

Each station had a light on it and narration/music for that scene.

It's interesting, in going around Arequipa there are a lot of shrines in places that you wouldn't expect.  For example, the post office, a public park, the vegetable/meat/fruit market.  I have only ever seen shrines to Mary and Jesus.  Most often, Jesus is in some state of torture, like with a crown of thorns carrying his cross or bloody and on the cross.  We aren't Catholic or Orthodox so I didn't grow up with a lot of iconography in church.  I do know from talking with others who are from faith traditions with icons that at least some of this is to help remind people of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us.  My own faith tradition tends to more heavily emphasize the resurrection and part of that would be hanging an empty cross (if a cross is used at all). So it has been interesting to be in place where this type of religious iconography is not only present in churches but literally everywhere.

On Easter Sunday, we went to church at a Baptist church a couple of blocks down the street.  They had someone dressed in a robe who I believe was Peter at the empty tomb (constructed of paper on a 2x4 frame).  But it's very difficult to understand what is happening when you don't fully comprehend the language (fortunately, we had a pretty good pulse on the story they were telling).  Outside of the mini-play, the rest of the service was much like usual, about 40 minutes of singing and then a sermon.  I don't know what the Catholic service tradition is here, but I was told by others that have lived here that the big event is really more about Good Friday and Jesus' death than a big service/tradition on Easter itself.  (Anyone who is Catholic in the States who cares to chime in about your traditional Easter service?)

I love the Lutheran tradition of brass playing and church choirs and I look forward to experiencing that again when we return, but I did enjoy seeing the various passion plays here.

We invited some people over to our house for Easter afternoon.  Dave fixed up a yummy meal of lamb, potatoes, and veggies and we had some bread, chicha (the purple corn drink, kind of like Kool-Aid), and cheesecake, homemade cream cheese mints, and Cadbury style candy for dessert.

Mowing down on homemade Easter candy

Having fun outside

Our guests included another expat from the states who is here doing medical work (particularly helping with kids who have club feet) and couple of her patients who were in the hospital getting casts done in preparation for surgery.  We dyed Easter eggs and did a hunt for the eggs and some chocolate bunnies I bought.  None of the Peruvians had ever done that before, so it was especially fun to see them dying eggs and on the hunt.

Egg decorating "I haven't done this in YEARS!"

Quite the artist, I think she enjoyed this.

Crayon polka dots

First time for both of them

She found (and cracked) a couple of eggs.

Searching for eggs and chocolate bunnies

Miss M found an egg in the dryer, so A thought she'd check it out, too.

Finally found her chocolate rabbit

It is fun for me to see how other people celebrate holidays in a foreign culture and also fun for me to see the universality of Jesus' story.  But, I missed my home culture something fierce during this holiday- it was the hardest one so far to be away from home.

The Holiday Series

Halloween

Thanksgiving

Advent

Christmas

New Years

Easter (that's this one)

Mother's Day

Sacred Scared- Being a Distant Mom

“Our sacred scared is our deepest fear- the one we hide because we think that if anyone knew about it they wouldn’t love us anymore. What we find when we share our sacred scared is that it’s the very thing we should be sharing more. Because our sacred scared is the key that unlocks our humanity. When we share it, people love us more because we’ve given them permission to love themselves more. Sharing our sacred scared is like handing a world full of messy, waiting people an invitation to show up as they are. We are all afraid. And that’s okay. We can show up and take care of each other in the midst of all the fear. That’s the good stuff. And you know what the antidote to fear is? It’s NOT self improvement. It’s love. When we love messy people well we start to love our messy selves more. And all that love makes us BRAVE. And eventually, Love beats fear. Love Wins.” From the Sacred Scared Blog series here on Momastery.com

I read this blog series and felt like I wanted to write my own post in this vein. One thing Glennon Doyle Melton (the original blog curator) did was have everyone submit a picture of themselves without makeup. That’s easy for me.

 

Me without makeup.

If you go on my Facebook page, you’ve got lots of options to see me without makeup. I hardly wear it here in Peru and never when I’m reenacting 1860s life. I know I look different with makeup on and I like how I look but it isn’t always worth the time and effort. I don’t mind not wearing it and feel the same inside whether I have it on or not. But my sacred scared…..that’s a bit harder to put out there. But it wasn't too hard to think of what my topic would be. **So if you comment, please be gentle. This isn’t a post designed to get a bunch of pats on the back but I’m also exposing a vulnerability and I would appreciate gentle responses.**

My Sacred Scared....

As a child, I was a voracious reader. I read All. The. Time. In school, out of school, on the walk to and from school…I’d hide a book under my desk and half pay attention to the teacher so I could get another chapter or two in. One of the books I loved was The Secret Garden. One of the sections that haunted me was the description of Mary’s relationship with her mother. Mary called her mother Mem Sahib most of the time and spent very little time in her presence. Mary’s mom left her to be raised by her Indian Ayah (nanny), never having actually wanted Mary at all. (Check out Chapter 1 here.) Mary knew her mother didn’t want her; not being an affectionate child, it didn’t seem to bug her that much but it bothered me.

And that’s my sacred scared- concern of being a mom without a deep connection to her children, whose kids will grow up feeling like Mary did, that it was better that they not be around or that their mother didn’t want to be bothered with them. In my more lucid moments, I know this is ludicrous. My girls love to spend time with me.  Last week, both of them burst into tears after I had been with them and wanted to take off for a couple of hours to run errands alone.  They got over it, but it shows they do have a connection.  I spend hours daily with the girls, and they still frequently inhabit my thoughts when I have time away from them. But I also crave my time alone. I am a fiercely loyal person and one driven by duty. I like to find ways to help others. That is certainly reflected in my relationship with the girls. But sometimes I just want time for me and I really would prefer to be alone, without the responsibilities inherent in parenting. I know that isn’t unique to me; there wouldn’t be funny memes about wanting to be able to pee by yourself if it wasn’t a common experience.

                                     

                                   

And neither am I soldiering on alone, spending every spare minute with the girls and dreaming of a time where I have a moment to think. I feel no guilt at all about taking time for myself.  I have a supportive husband who intentionally makes sure that I get some time to myself each day. I guess that even though I knew “everything would change” when we had kids and that they were a 24/ 7 responsibility that the day-to-day realities have hit me harder in these past 6 years than I expected. And I have also learned that these early years are not my favorite. The daily monotony is really hard for me.

I hope to build a strong relationship with both of our girls; that when they grow up they will want to spend time with me (and that I will want to spend time with them). I am betting some of my parenting choices on this and deliberately implementing strategies that I hope will help me achieve this long term goal. And yet, the fear of them thinking that I don’t want them around still haunts me.

This is more of a stream of consciousness post than anything. I started it a couple of months ago, when I was having a particularly rough mom night. The kind where after the kids are in bed you want to zone out and turn into a zombie but you can’t because your mind is spinning too much. Things are pretty good right now- I am in a better place of patience with the girls, seeing their good qualities (of which there are many) and getting in some good long talks with friends and family (my support network). I’m excited about the new parenting skills I’m learning (check out connectedfamilies.org and http://communityradio.pagatim.fm/passport-to-parenting/ for some great tips that you can apply to kids of all ages.) My husband is also amazing at providing me space and time for myself and taking lots of time with the girls and doing activities with them.

But when I was thinking about what my next blog post should be, I found this draft and wanted to finish it in time for Mother’s Day. It isn’t your typical Mother’s Day message. But I think the days of me fitting a “typical” box are probably long past. Here in Peru, Mother’s Day is basically the biggest holiday of the year. There are “Feliz Dia de la Madre” signs, balloons, and red ribboned items everywhere. Gift fliers have scads of gift ideas like clothing, flowers, chocolate, jewelry and more. Schools hold programs with crafts and gift basket drawings (and give kids the week after Mother’s Day off…which seems kind of counter intuitive to me, but who am I to question). It’s a big holiday in the states, too, and comes complete with “should-do” and “should-give” lists. Some of what I’m learning in our time here is new parenting techniques that are helping me be more the parent that I want to be and also just how impossible some of our preconceived notions are. I know that Mother’s Day is a hard day for many women- hard because of not having a baby to cuddle and love, whether because of infertility, loss, or never finding that right someone with whom to start a family. It's hard because of children taken away, whether their own or foster children, not having a blended family together (or having to deal with the aftermath of a family schism).  For some, the parenthood journey didn’t turn out according to plan and their children are distant or estranged or have big problems that mom can't fix. And for many, it is a great day to celebrate with the family.

Whatever your personal experience with motherhood, I wanted to acknowledge that life often doesn’t turn out how you expect. Parenting isn’t easy; not parenting when you wanted to isn’t easy. (And our culture doesn’t always make it easy for people who never wanted to parent without intrusively asking them why they aren’t parenting or when they plan to have kids.) Wherever you are, I hope that you can find people who support you and uplift you when you need it. I am thankful for the people in my life that are part of my support team and also that we can keep growing, changing, loving, grieving, and moving forward. And I am thankful that motherhood doesn't have to be a solo venture, because I am quite confident I could never handle it alone without the larger group of family, friends, and online resources.

**So what about you?  What comes to mind for your sacred scared?  Who might you share it with?**

Colombia Border Run!

Peru gives US Citizens a 6 month tourist visa (if you ask for it when you come into Peru) which means that we need to leave the country every six months to renew it.  We came to Peru initially thinking we might do tourist visas or we might try to get residency cards.  But you can only get the cards if you have a job or reason to be here and Dave's teaching job fell through (long story for another post- but it's fine that it did).  So, we've been doing the border run route.

For our first border run, we elected to go to Colombia to visit Nathalie, the au pair who lived with us the 13 months before we moved here.  So many things came together to make this great trip.  In Colombia, things like school start and end dates are a lot more fluid than in the US.  So when we were looking to buy our tickets, we didn't actually know for sure when Nathalie would be out of school for break.  We opted to buy tickets for about the right timeframe that were the cheapest price and hoped for the best.

Our family and Nathalie outside a museum in Cali

We got everything together to make our original flights, but when we got to the airport they first delayed the flight then cancelled it due to weather.  It was rainy season here, and we didn't know the insider information that one should never schedule an evening flight out of Arequipa during rainy season.  They tend to cancel in rain or fog (it's just a little airport).  So....back home we went in a taxi but not before waiting over an hour in line to be told they couldn't get us out for four days at least, maybe five, because too many flights had been cancelled the day before and our day to get everyone out fast.  Our whole trip was only eight days long.  Ultimately, they agreed to change both our departure and return date and I had a chance to talk with Nathalie before rebooking.  That all worked out well because we were able to change our itinerary to get us out of AQP in the morning instead of the evening and about a week and a half later which coincided with Nathalie's school break.

The long line to get rebooked.  We were dead last
(not realizing what was happening as quickly as the natives.)

We ended up having 11 hours in Lima instead of just one hour to make our connection to Bogota so we took the girls to the zoo.  (Any neighbors reading this, we used your gift money to go on the zoo adventure!)  It was fun to see Andean animals like the condor (quite an ugly bird) and the jungle area felt so different than desert Arequipa because of the vast number of trees!

Condor (in captivity at the zoo)

The jungle zone of the Lima zoo.  It was fun to walk among trees again.

I don't remember what these are.  I'm not what you'd call an animal expert.  [Jaguars per comment below]
However, I spent 2 of 8 days at zoos and 2 more days traveling so I give myself a gold star.

Dave and me in the center of the Lima zoo.

The girls with a photo op turtle.

The total flight time was only about 4 hours, but it took us three flights and a full day to make it to Cali.

Little A was a good traveler....she was a lap child but there was an extra seat on this flight.

Snoozing in the Bogota airport as we waited for the flight to Cali.

Nathalie welcomed us with a sign and a bunch of pictures of the girls!

We spent a week with Nathalie's family.  Her uncle has a house next door to her family that he wasn't using and allowed us to use.  Her mom loves kids and spoiled the girls with tons of attention and made us delicious Colombian food.  We were able to see a few tourist sites like the Cali Zoo and also got a nice intro to day-to-day life for Nathalie.

Nathalie's mom- loves kids and feeding people.

A new flavor of Pringles!

Picking fruit from their yard.

Riding a bus down the mountain.

Cooking.  Their kitchen is partially outdoors
and the house is right on the side of a mountain.

Just one of our yummy meals.

The girls playing outside in a cast iron bathtub that doubled as a pool.

The city of Cali at night.

The city- daytime view from Nathalie's house.

Nathalie and the girls at a cool exhibit at the Cali zoo.

Nathalie was such a wonderful blessing to our family and we are so happy we were able to visit her on her home turf.  She is the best living representation I know of following the Apostle Paul's instructions to be content in all circumstances.  She was so well adapted and present when living with us in the States and now that she is back home she has adapted and is content there as well.  I'm so glad that the girls had the opportunity to have her as an influence in their lives.

Miss M enjoyed washing some laundry by hand.

Birthday dinner for Nathalie and her sister

Mauricio (Nathalie's boyfriend) teaching M and Dave origami.

We love you, Nathalie!  Thank you for hosting us.

The "Yanahuara 12"

From David:

Running at night has its advantages – it’s a bit cooler – the girls have gone down to bed – and it gives me a chance to clear my mind before getting ready for bed.  Every now and then I see something of interest: a building in mid-construction, young couples out for a walk, or a gang of men plotting their next heist.  The most recent building going up appears to be something for the city of Yanahuara – the section of Arequipa we live in.  I think watching a building progress is fun to watch.  Not as interesting as passing the ‘Yanahuara 12’ as I call them.  This rogue band of men gather about once a week near a dim street light a few blocks from our house at a bend in the road that gathers them near what I assume is their ‘front’ company – a tienda (little local superette).  It doesn’t appear they rendezvous on the same night each week – I assume that would make it too easy for local authorities to catch on.  I often see them in their pre-meeting banter - chatting about local news, maybe one of them highlighted in the dark by the glowing ember of a cigarette, while waiting for the rest of the Yanahuara 12.  I wonder if they pull off major heists… like art thefts… or stick to the easier pickings of bank robberies and the like?  It certainly can’t be basic thievery if they need 12 of them to pull off these elaborate crimes.  Needless to say, I jog by on the opposite side of the street. 

This past week I caught a glimpse into the sophistication of their work – true professionals.  Circled up as the norm, but now wearing the garb of a traditional Peruvian band – amazing.  I even heard them last night inside the shop practicing just like a real band.  The dedication to their nefarious vocation impressed me.  What a great cover.  Who would suspect a simple traditional band of doing anything so dastardly?  Those fancy outfits?  Certainly they can’t be the ones who just ‘happened’ to be two blocks away from the greatest art heist in the history of Arequipa last year.  These guys are good.  And I was there to see them.

(There is no photo attached to this posting for fear of my safety – I’m guessing no one has taken a picture of the Y12 and lived to tell the tale)